An Assumed Honor

            I will not, for the sake of an assumed honor, abandon my yearning for the secrets of Torah.

            The knowledge of Hashem, the God of truth, constantly raises me, even when I am in the house of my sojourning, in the land of my wandering, in exile and in lowliness—which is the greatest atonement, which grants atonement for everything, and which is therefore very bitter, depressing the spirit.

            Even though the coarseness of the lowly physical does not allow a person to feel properly, nevertheless there is a sense of an inner smallness, lowliness and the abandoning of a haughty spirit, the donning of humility and purity, and the desire for repentance.

            I will place my refuge in Hashem God. And the yearning for our return to our holy land, to dwell in the courtyards of Hashem, to gaze upon His pleasantness, lift me up and give me life.

            And Hashem will give me a tongue of learning. He will lift up my spirit and purify my mind and heart and all of my plans, and reveal to me the light of the inner being of my soul.

            And from the holy land He will send His help, and a ray of light will shine for me from the heights, the very highest mountain, from the holy and from Zion, the house of our desires selah.

            And I must strengthen myself in my Mighty One. “My spirit has desired in the shadow of Your hand to know all the mystery of Your secret.”

            If I am very lowly, if my will is weak, if I have been taken captive in the hands of lusts and weaknesses, behold, Hashem helps me, Hashem is among those who support my spirit.

            I will not fear and I will not be afraid. I will not be abashed and I will not be shamed. The Torah of truth will lift me up. I will exalt the name of Hashem in song. In the midst of the masses I will praise Him.

            Chadarav, pp. 105-107

 

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